


We gravitated toward each other (however wide the breach).

by Maiucha



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Body Language, Character Development, F/M, a synthetic's problematic existence, inner monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-15
Updated: 2014-08-15
Packaged: 2018-02-13 05:50:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2139423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maiucha/pseuds/Maiucha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What troubled Dorian most was if his own body could work so freely, if it could react to another person in what seemed to be an unconscious giveaway of feelings or if he was going to be the one who had to teach his body, his circuits, how to react.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We gravitated toward each other (however wide the breach).

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Marie_L](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_L/gifts).



> [Marie_L](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Marie_L), I really hope you enjoy this :)
> 
> Beta/encouraging/motivation/life-saving/good commentary by [jjjat3am](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jjjat3am). She's awesome, in case you didn't know.
> 
> This happens at the **start of season one** (taking production order in consideration, not aired order). It begins after the episode two ("You are here") and it develops hinting some cases and situations from future episodes (particularly, it names a conversation that takes part in "Skin" but changing it a bit). Anything in cursive and brakes its Dorian's own thought process. (besides the main pairing, there's some implied John/Sandra and a small part where _some people_ may see Rudy/Richard, I'm not naming them for the anonymity rule, but you know who you are)

Within the first month of his time awake, Dorian learned to copy many of John's expressions. Even with his colloquialism routines and with the data Rudy had given him, he still felt separated from the regular patterns of human behavior. 

Humans are wired in such an intricate and particular ways that Dorian's own circuits seem simple in contrast, at least to Dorian's perception. Humans' conversation wasn't limited to what they were saying, to the words they were using; more often than not Dorian noticed a somehow subsequent conversation that seemed to be related to the person they were chatting with and the subject of discussion. Dorian had done extensive research on the way human beings express emotion through body language. It was partially related to his job to be honest. He'd learned ( _was it learning if it was something programmed for him to know?_ ) to read possible dangers from a suspect ( _teeth bared in a snarl could mean aggressive_ ) and how to interpret people who were being questioned ( _hunched shoulders, sweating palms, fidgeting and darting eyes for anxiety; running hands through hair and rocking back and forth evidenced distress, scratching miscellaneous parts of the face, ill-timed smiles and laughs, covering mouth were indications of potential liars_ ). All that was stored inside Dorian's memory, not unlike how it was in a person's brain. 

What troubled Dorian most was if his own body could work so freely, if it could react to another person in what seemed to be an unconscious giveaway of feelings or if he was going to be the one who had to teach his body, his circuits, how to react. With that possible need, he formulated a plan. As somewhat of a side project, Dorian started observing people more; to catalog body reactions with situations to make a private list of which body language equaled which emotion. 

The precinct after a day of work was an incredibly useful place for such a task, because it was full of people communicating in the ways Dorian was teaching himself to understand. There were people with their heads on their palms, eyes unfocussed and looking around instead of focused on their task: they were bored. Someone was hunched against their desk chair, checking their tablet with slow, hesitating movements: they were upset. A detective was stretching and yawning into her work, rubbing her eyes after looking at her screen: she was tired. Specifically, on a desk far to the left from where Dorian was standing, Rudy was talking to Detective Paul about the detective's latest case. Paul was quickly nodding ( _impatience_ ) while grabbing onto the edges of his desk with noticeable strength ( _frustration? was he restraining himself?_ ) but at the same time he hadn't made Rudy leave or hurry, even for small moments his head stood still and he watched Rudy speak and gesticulate without even blinking ( _interest_ ). Rudy was being is usual self, moving his arms and licking his lips ( _excitement_ ) as he spoke, leaning forward on the desk, nodding to himself ( _passionate, dedicated_ ) yet whenever he noticed Paul's attention on him, it made him stammer and look away from the detective and into the desk or the room ( _embarrassment_ ). 

Closer to him, but still far enough that he couldn't hear them; Dorian had a clear vision of Captain Maldonado and John. Earlier that day, the Captain was angry at John because he, not for the first time, had gone against direct orders; but right now she didn't look angry ( _no sharp movements when she spoke, no tension in her neck, her jaw wasn't clenched_ ) she didn't even look annoyed ( _her lips weren't pressed into a thin line and her eyes weren't narrowed with a look that seemed to wonder why John was still in front of her_ ). Nothing of that. Right now, the Captain watched John with crinkling eyes ( _possible meaning: happiness – was she glad that he was fine and the day was saved?) and shaking her head with a soft smile on her lips ( _possible meaning: amusement – maybe John was telling her about the weird people they had encountered on their way_ )._

_"Did John forget you here?" Detective Stahl gave him a half-smile ( _was that amusement? she looked relaxed and easygoing, maybe it just was her natural way of being_ ) and she winked at Dorian ( _possible friendly gesture_ ). _

"I'm just waiting for him to be done," Dorian returned the smile, showing what he considered to be politeness. Detective Stahl was always pleasant to him and there was a certain gentleness in her that he couldn't help being drawn to. It made sense that John found her interesting, if Dorian decided to pay attention to her interactions, he was sure he'd find more males and females who felt like that. 

"So, you're unsure if he forgot or not," she wiggled her eyebrows ( _possible meaning: friendly, again_ ) and nudged him slightly on the arm ( _possible meaning: playful, friendly, sharing some camaraderie_ ). Dorian could understand her actions by relating them to his previous observations, but he was somewhat unsure on why he was on the receiving end, which made him feel faintly hesitant ( _slow movements, bad reaction time even with a good share of charge still on_ ) of the proper reply. 

"I'm certain...." Dorian turned to where John was still talking with the Captain, standing with his hands on his hips now and while she openly laughed at him, eyes half closed and a slight flush on her skin, probably unnoticeable to the human eye ( _was it all just simple happiness? were they being friendly?_ ) and even if he couldn't pin point the exact meaning of their interactions, it made him smile ( _which was, unmistakably, a response to seeing someone he cared about happy_ ). He decided to leave that thought process alone and returned his attention back to Detective Stahl; with an breath that left his lips without him noticing at first, he finally said: "I'm certain he forgot." 

Detective Stahl sighed and shook her head slowly ( _frustration?_ ), and Dorian didn't know why he'd brought that out in her, but then he noticed she was watching John. Detective Stahl was somehow taking Dorian's side in an invisible argument. It was a welcoming thing to notice, and it made Dorian smile a different sort of smile, one that wasn't motivated by John's happiness; this was a response to Dorian's own joy, which by association was related to Detective Stahl. 

"You're staying with the MXs, right?" 

Dorian nodded to the question, avoiding the automatic grimace that idea brought. He didn't want show discomfort because he was still unsure if he was allowed. It hadn't been long since he was woken, maybe they still could put him back to sleep. 

"I'll walk you there and then I'll smack John for forgetting his partner." 

"There's no need..." 

"I know that Dorian," the half-smile again, like the first one, simple, soft, barely reaching her eyes, friendly, but with the edge of something else that Dorian couldn't see, didn't know how to see. "But you must be tired, emotionally at least, it's been a long few days for everyone." 

_Emotionally_ \- Dorian had to agree with that, it had been an overall lengthy week of processing things that weren't related to the cases per se. Learning names for feelings and ideas was something that Dorian hadn't needed in a while. He'd updated some of his obsolete perceptions of social behaviors, but apparently four years was a long time. 

"You're right Detective Stahl, I may need some rest." 

"Good, let's go," she replied, "and unless we're at a crime scene, do call me Valerie, there's no need for formalities." 

Detective Stahl ( _update to first name bases: Valerie, meaning of the action: friendly_ ) wished him good night on the elevator to the MX facility and he nodded the same to her. She touched his arm ( _friendly_ ) before leaving, her digits a soft pressure on Dorian's arm that he could feel even through his clothes. It wasn't just a friendly gesture, it was meant to be reassuring and comforting. Dorian smiled to himself; he liked being treated as if he needed those things. After all, maybe he did. 

It took Dorian two nights of what humans considered rest, to finally tie together the situation and his own responses to them. Everything pointed out that Dorian was indeed developing a body language. He didn't know If it was born out of the imitation Dorian had started, or if some of his circuits were behaving similarly to what mirror neurons did in young kids when they were submerged into social life. He needed to further test his responses; he needed to put himself in situations where emotional body response was a must. Unfortunately, he had no idea how to do that. 

***

The week following the case with the chrome deaths was a slow one. Dorian was working with John on a robbery that escalated to murder and the whole precinct seemed imbued in smaller cases that usual, which could be considered as a sort of break. Dorian should have noticed that there was something off about what Detective Paul and Valerie were working on, because Detective Paul seemed to be wearing a permanent frown with a crinkled nose and a curl to his lips ( _disgust, displeasure_ ) and his hands were clenched around the files he was reading, and Valerie's movements were sharp, hands fisted, jaw clenched, full body tensed ( _anger_ ), but that morphed into a droopy body, bowed shoulders and a jutting bottom lip whenever she was alone ( _upset, sad_ ). Even if the year was 2048 and there was more regulation and people knew more and protections were constantly being implanted, family violence was still happening. And for what Dorian could see in the displayed files, this violence had grown into a genetic trait in the family they were investigating. It made sense the detectives were affected, Dorian himself felt--

"Did you find anything?" John interrupted his musings and his spying of the other case. His partner was tapping his fingers against a tablet on his right hand ( _impatience_ ).

"Yes, we have an address to check," Dorian replied, pretending there was nothing else on his mind.

While they were driving to the scene, Dorian used his back-up drive to search online about friendly gestures of comfort, trusting that John was a decent enough driver to not kill them if Dorian wasn't supervising him. Digging into the internet archives was awkward and it made him question, if it even was the right approach, but considering the alternative was asking either John or Rudy he went ahead with his search. He came up with a possible answer right as they arrived at their destination and decided to carry on with it the next morning.

He got Valerie a cup of coffee and left it on her desk the following morning. He wrote a cyber-note under the cup that said "a good way to start the day" and signed it, for some reason he couldn't name. By the time John came looking for him, Dorian was far away from Valerie's desk; he wanted the whole thing to stay between him and Valerie and didn't really see the need to tell John about it. It'd probably end up with John accusing him of being soft, not for the first time; or in John complaining about how Dorian never brought him coffee, which was actually a fun scene inside Dorian's head.

Dorian didn't see Valerie until later that day, and even then only in passing, however, when she met his eyes she winked at him ( _friendly_ ) and mouthed a 'thank you'. It made Dorian simply smile silently to himself.

 

The confirmation Dorian had about his body's responses, didn't conclude his investigation. It had advanced a great deal, since the first time he'd observed it. Not only John or Valerie or Rudy, his most constant subjects to both observe and interact with, provoked reactions from him; the MXs did too. And Captain Maldonado inspired feelings, talking with Detective Paul caused responses - and, surprisingly, those weren't always _fake smiles and crossed arms with a mix of defensive behavior and displeasure_. 

Dorian was still discovering human behavior, but he didn't felt shadowed from it, like at the start. He could understand it better and relate it to his own behavior. In the end he hadn't even needed to copy it, he'd created his own brand of body language. His own empathy, his own certain body language equals certain emotion. His own upgraded comfort with himself made his work easy, and his relationship with the world and with the humans in it, easier, enjoyable even.

Even John became less warded around him. It'd been a slow advance, but in the past few weeks, thanks to the work they had been doing together, the detective was more relaxed and even, to some extent, easygoing around Dorian. That also spent a lot more agreeable time together, with teasing and even some personal talks. Dorian had also been getting more daring when asking questions, knowing that the answers weren't going to be growls and sighs ( _impatience, annoyance_ ). 

Their latest conversation in the car still rang in Dorian's ears, or more accurately, it was still in the predominant core of his memory web. He was so sure that John was talking about Valerie, when he described a somehow ideal woman that he hadn't considered any other possibility and now he felt a little, well, stupid. It was right in front of his eyes and he'd missed it. Looking back into most interactions between John and Captain Maldonado there was always a certain fondness to them that Dorian should have known to see as something more than years of shared knowledge. But he couldn't be blamed, it was all there, but not really, it wasn't said out loud, it was conveyed by gestures and touches and things Dorian was barely learning, had only recently started to identify completely. And even now, he had trouble telling when actions could mean more than one emotion, more than one single oriented intention. No one had installed anything in his head to allow him to tell the difference between only friendly intentions and flirty ones, or when something was only meant to be platonic and when it could grow into something else. 

Dorian was confused.

Confusion was unnerving and tiring, he decided. Denial was a human pleasure, he couldn't really have, but he might as well pretend. And so, he decided to leave John and his relationship with the Captain, the one that wasn't told in words, outside his head. He walked away from the desks and towards the elevator to leave with that in mind, because John had cleared him for the night. Maybe he could visit Rudy for a few hours.

"Don't you look proud." Valerie grinned at him when they crossed paths in the hallways; he considered his own posture when walking ( _chin up and chest out, shoulders back and arms swinging slightly_ ) and came to the conclusion that he might be giving that impression even without meaning too. Maybe because he felt good about his own conclusion, maybe the good day they had at work was catching up to him. 

"It was a good day," Dorian resumed. 

"That means you're lucky enough to leave? I envy you."

She said it but her body didn't give any of that away and Dorian knew she didn't meant it, that she was just being her usual amicable self toward him, the smile and the eye catching supporting that idea.

"I could give you proof of my good heart and stay to help," Dorian wasn't sure what made him say it, of course he didn't feel tired or in the mood to go to the MX facility; but his plan to visit Rudy seemed less interesting than the opportunity to help Valerie, to be with her. It was friendly, he considered, but somehow that seemed not enough of a reason. He filled the whole thing aside for later examination, because Valerie in front of him demanded his attention. 

She was shaking her head no, "you need to rest," she announced.

"If I promise to tell you when I'm actually tired, when I need to charge, you'll let me help?"

"Only if you promise."

"I do."

 

It was different working with her than with John. Dorian had shared cases with Valerie, but they had been big ones, works where everyone was involved, and he hadn't been the one to one contact. She watched the electronic files in front of her with a furrowed brow and narrowed eyes ( _thoughtfulness_ ), she leaned forward when something caught her eye and sat up to muse on it ( _attentive_ ). She was silent during her process of information, but shared with Dorian anything she considered important or relevant or at least interesting. Dorian liked the way she worked. 

Dorian liked her. 

Of course he liked her, he told himself, they were friends or at least all their interactions were tinted with friendly manners. Friendly body language implied smiling at each others, winking when they passed by in the halls, saying hello with first names in the morning, and saying hello again, more professionally, when they meet in crime scenes less than an hour later. Friendly was Dorian wanting to stay pass working time to help her. Friendly was sitting as they were right now, legs pressed together, arms that touched when they reached for a file on the table-screen, Valerie looking up through her eyelashes to ask him something, catching his eyes every time Dorian spoke with her, Valerie licking her lips before talking to him and touching his hand to make a point--

 _Oh_.

It wasn't just friendly.

"An idea?" Valerie asked and Dorian looked at her, blinking, refocusing on the moment. When he didn't say anything, she spoke again. "I mean, all your lights..." she made a small hand gesture and looked down and away from Dorian's gaze for the first time ( _shy? shame? embarrassed?_ ).

"Ah, that… sorry," he didn't force the eye contact either, but explained anyway. "Not really an idea, I just realized something."

"Don't apologize, they're quite fascinating," Valerie bit down on her bottom lip before looking up to him again, brown eyes meeting blue, a side smile on her lips and a glint in her eyes ( _mischievous? courage?_ ) "What did you realize? If you don't mind telling me."

"I don't mind," Dorian smiled, turning down his lights even if they had been complimented and took Valerie's hand in his, interlacing their fingers together, dark against light. He enjoyed the sight. "I don't mind at all."

"Well, good," she smiled at him, a full grin that reached her eyes ( _happiness_ ) and then at their joined hands. Dorian's hand shown with blue lights around her.

"Now you're showing off," she teased.

"Is that a complaint?"

"No," her smile was now close-lipped and her features were more relaxed ( _smug?_ ). "Should we finish this?"

"Of course," Dorian agreed.

It was both distracting and uncomfortable to work while holding someone else's hand, but Dorian was quite all right with that.

**Author's Note:**

> I, as usual, struggled with the title and for a brief period considered naming it "a very Victorian romance". But at the end someone at home mentioned Patti Smith and I remembered a quote from her book "Just kids" that I liked and had somewhere in my notebook, the title came from said quote.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3.


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